


Spacesuit Yamato

by beetlebee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Space, Fugitives, Humor, M/M, Romance, a big misunderstanding on the concept of birthdays, learning human culture from questionable sources, when aliens want to bang u and u roll with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-18 22:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20199166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetlebee/pseuds/beetlebee
Summary: “And you know what’s even worse?” Yamato asks. “It’s my birthday, today, too. Not that anyone ever does much, but it’s my day.” He sighs and leans forward, cupping his face with his hands. “So much for that.”“It’s... it’s your birthday?” Obito asks, a strange expression briefly crossing his face.Yamato pauses. It occurs to him it might not be a universal celebrated concept. “Oh, I guess I should explain—““Oh, we know what a birthday is,” Kakashi interrupts, but his eyes are glittering.Obito huffs and rolls his eyes. “From that weird text of yours—““From an *excellent* tome of human culture,” Kakashi cuts in.—-(Yamato meets some aliens, and their interpretation of a gift.)





	Spacesuit Yamato

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, tree man  
(inspired from chats with keepyourpantsongohan)

Yamato curses his luck as the warning light flashes on his monitor. He also wants to kick his ship, but it’s technically Root Company property, and he doesn’t need a fine for damage on top of the stress of this horrible long-haul trek. 

So he’s forced to make a pitstop, and he touches down on the closest livable land mass, an abandoned moon. All this on his birthday, of all days. 

Yamato steps out onto the mossy ground of the forest clearing. It’s quiet. And a bit creepy. The moons in Otsutsuki orbit may have been once populated, but that was thousands of years ago. It’s all a patchwork of tangled forests, surrounded by swathes of deserts. Nothing’s here to help him now, so he’s on his own for repairs. He lugs the tool kit out of the storage panel and sighs. He’s prepared for events like these, at least, but this is going to set him back a good hour on his itinerary. 

Fifty-five minutes later, he taps at the engine casing of his ship, once again sealed shut. There, good as new. He might be able to make up for lost time if—

He hears a rustle behind him, and he freezes. This place is supposed to be uninhabited, right? But maybe it’s some kind of animal. Or maybe the wind. 

He really hopes it isn’t pirates. 

The bushes rustle again. Yamato turns, and nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees the two people standing right behind him. In his shock, he slams his head back against the wall of his ship. Hopefully he didn’t just give himself a concussion. He winces, and forces his eyes back open. 

But maybe he does have a concussion, though, because these people look less and less human by the second. They both have horns, for one thing. The first one has pale skin, and tendrils are sticking out of his collar, to say nothing of the scales all along his right side. The second one looks much less dramatic, but Yamato could swear he spotted a third eye in his forehead hiding behind his hair. 

Worst of all, they’re both completely and _ unfairly _ handsome, which makes all of this ten times worse. 

“Who are you?” the second being asks, encroaching on Yamato’s space. His stare is half lidded under his messy grey hair, but his gaze is intent.  
  
“Um, Tenzō?” Yamato offers, barely managing not to squeak at the proximity. It’s probably not smart to give his real name to aliens.  
  
“Maa, Tenzō, huh...” he says, as if trying the name on for size. The one with the scales just huffs.  
  
“So who—who are you?” Yamato asks in turn, glancing back and forth between the two beings.   
  
Neither of them say anything for a moment. Then the grey haired one pokes the scaled one with his foot, coaxing for something.  
  
The scaled one scoffs. “Bakashi, are we seriously going to—“  
  
The gray haired one then elbows the scaled one in the side.  
  
“Ow, fu—!“ The scaled one shoots a dirty look at his companion, but turns to Yamato with a sigh. “I’m Obito, and the other one’s Kakashi. We’re friends,” Obito adds, as if reciting a script. “Best friends.”  
  
“And lovers,” Kakashi pipes in, lashes fluttering. Obito rolls his eyes heavenward.  
  
“Okay...?” Yamato says, not sure why they were telling him all this.  
  
Obito and Kakashi give each other an exasperated look. But then they move to bracket Yamato, boxing him in-between them.  
  
“And now that we all know each other,” Kakashi purrs, leaning in close, “what can we do for you?”  
  
—-  
  
Five minutes later, Yamato is sitting between the two aliens on the forest floor, venting his fool heart out.  
  
“—And the scheduling system is a mess. Some weeks it’s back-to-back shifts, and others I go days without a single shipment!”  
  
“These roots should support you, but instead put a lot of pressure on you,” Kakashi surmises.  
  
It’s close enough. “Yes! Thank you!” Yamato exclaims. “It’s like no one else sees it!”  
  
Kakashi scoots a bit closer as Obito pats Yamato on the back. It’s kind of nice to have people listening to his problems.  
  
“And you know what’s even worse?” Yamato asks. “It’s my birthday, today, too. Not that anyone ever does much, but it’s my day.” He sighs and leans forward, cupping his face with his hands. “So much for that.”  
  
“It’s... it’s your birthday?” Obito asks, a strange expression briefly crossing his face.  
  
Yamato pauses. It occurs to him it might not be a universal celebrated concept. “Oh, I guess I should explain—“  
  
“Oh, we know what a birthday is,” Kakashi interrupts, but his eyes are glittering.  
  
Obito huffs and rolls his eyes. “From that weird text of yours—“  
  
“From an _ excellent _ tome of human culture,” Kakashi cuts in. “I also know we must give you a gift for the occasion,” he adds.

Yamato shakes his head. “Oh, that’s very sweet, you don’t have to do that for me—“ 

“Oh, but we want to,” Kakashi insists, and even Obito is nodding.

“You—you do?” Yamato asks, surprised. “You want to give me a gift?”  
  
“Of course!” Kakashi says. Then he and Obito shove Yamato backwards into the moss. 

“Wha—what?” Yamato squeaks, as Kakashi and Obito hover over him. 

“You ought to feel happy on your birthday,” Obito says to Yamato.

“So we’re going to make you feel good,” Kakashi purrs, running his hands up Yamato’s chest. 

“Oh my god,” Yamato whimpers. This wasn’t really happening, was it?

“And why are you not in your birthday suit?” Kakashi tsks, thumbing the zipper on Yamato’s suit. Kakashi pulls the zipper all the way down, exposing Yamato’s underclothes. Obito starts to tug at his pant legs. At this rate, they were going to have their way with him right here in the damp moss.  
  
“Wait!” Yamato cries, and both aliens freeze. 

“What?” Kakashi asks, taking his hands off Yamato. “Is something wrong?” 

“I have—I have a bed we can use.“ Yamato blurts out. His face feels like it’s on fire.  
  
“In your ship?” Obito asks, his eyes calculating.  
  
“Yes—“ and suddenly Yamato finds himself landing on his mattress with a thump. 

“Cozy,” Kakashi comments, looking around the cabin. “And cute.” 

“I like the plants,” Obito adds, thumbing one of the leaves of a potted spider plant. 

“Woah,” Yamato exhales. “How did you—did we teleport?“ he asks, though that must be impossible.

“Yes,” Obito says, not elaborating in the slightest. He then yanks off Yamato’s suit in one smooth motion, leaving him in nothing but his undershirt and boxers. 

“Now, just lie back, and let us take care of you...” Kakashi murmurs, his hands snaking under Yamato’s undershirt. He noses at Yamato’s neck, nipping and sucking little marks into his exposed skin. Obito’s own lips trail lower and lower down, his hands tugging down his boxers, until he’s brushing his tongue along Yamato’s thighs. And then Obito licks back up and—  
  
“Happy birthday,” Kakashi laughs, beautiful, as he captures Yamato’s lips, drowning out his moans in a kiss.

—  
  
“Wow,” Yamato breathes out, staring up at the ceiling of his sleep cabin an hour later. Obito’s leg is slung over Yamato’s own, his arm wrapped around Yamato’s waist. Kakashi’s head is resting on Yamato’s shoulder, his hand tracing little designs on Yamato’s abs.  
  
Yamato shivers at the easy contact, and his heart swells. He’s never been so surrounded, so cared for. He wants to keep feeling this way, if he’s allowed. 

“Mmm, Tenzō,” Kakashi murmurs, sliding his hand up Yamato’s chest. “So good.”  
  
Right. It would help to be honest. “I... it’s Yamato, actually,” he admits, wincing.  
  
“Oh?” Kakashi turns his head to look Yamato in the eye. “You gave a fake name?” he asks. But he looks more pleased than upset. “So sneaky.”  
  
Obito barks a laugh, hugging Yamato ‘round the middle. “A bed full of liars! How fitting.”  
  
“Huh?” Yamato asks, looking back and forth at the two. “What does that mean?”  
  
“Ah, well.” Kakashi sits up a little, and looks down at Yamato. “We weren’t entirely... forthcoming about our situation...” he hedges.  
  
Obito lifts his leg off Yamato and shoves Kakashi with his foot. “Tell him.” 

“We... might be on the run from the authorities,” Kakashi finishes with a sheepish smile.  
  
Yamato freezes. That means—he just slept with fugitives? _ Wanted criminals? _  
  
“Mmhm.” Obito rolls onto his back and crosses his arms behind his head, leaning back against a pillow. “We planned to just steal the next ship that landed here and leave this rock.”  
  
Yamato puts two and two together. “You just wanted to take my _ ship?” _ he asks, aghast.  
  
Obito doesn’t seem to notice his outrage. “Yeah. But this scarecrow sap got all moon-eyed for you, and dragged me into pulling a seduction instead.”  
  
“Says the idiot who ran straight into a tree when you first saw him,” Kakashi counters, arching a brow at Obito.  
  
Yamato clenches the sheets in his fists. “So this is...” he trails off, his heart plummeting. “You used me—“  
  
“Oh no, Tenzō,” Kakashi jumps in. “No. That was before we met you. Plans changed. We really do like you,” he assures Yamato, earnest. “Don’t we?” he asks Obito.  
  
Obito’s ears go red. He looks away, mumbling, “Yeah, I guess.”  
  
“Oh.” Yamato’s grip on the bedding loosens.  
  
“And I hope you still like us, too,” Kakashi continues, grasping Yamato’s hand in his own. Kakashi lifts it up and kisses the back it. “We want to be with you, if you’ll have us,” he offers, eyes hopeful.  
  
Yamato feels Obito thread his fingers with Yamato’s other hand. He glances over to see Obito nod, his face beet red through the scales.  
  
The warmth rises in Yamato’s chest, and it buoys his heart, surrounded by such want. By love, if he dares himself to believe it.  
  
Still, he’s conflicted. “I... but, my job at Root—“  
  
“They don’t care about you,” Obito says, squeezing Yamato’s hand. “You told us they treat you like shit. You don’t deserve that.”  
  
“You deserve better,” Kakashi says.  
  
Yamato looks back up at the ceiling, overwhelmed. It sounds amazing and terrifying all at once. Will he take a chance? Should he?  
  
“Why are you on the run?” Yamato asks instead. He probably shouldn’t date potential serial killers, no matter how hot they are.  
  
“We’re striving for peace,” Obito says, conviction in his voice. “For change throughout the galaxy. Some powerful people don’t agree with that.”  
  
“But others do,” Kakashi adds. “We just have to find them again. And it starts at Uzushio.”  
  
Yamato’s eyes widen. “Uzushio?” The legendary planet? “Uzushio’s real?” he gasps.  
  
“You’ll see for yourself. What do you say, Tenzō?” Kakashi asks. “Care to join us?”  
  
“It’s Yamato,” Yamato corrects automatically.  
  
“But I like calling you Tenzō,” Kakashi teases. “It’s got such a nice ring to it in bed.”  
  
Yamato huffs, his cheeks coloring. He then looks at their grasped hands, the three of them already linked. He’d be giving up his life as he knows it, for the unknown, terrifying uncertainty of the future. But it would be together. 

His decision is easy, in hindsight. 

“I wouldn’t mind hearing it more,” Yamato admits. “If you’ll both have me, too.”  
  
Kakashi breaks into a brilliant smile, and Yamato smiles back.  
  
“I hate to break name chat up,” Obito says, squinting at the far wall, “but I’m sensing some less than friendly company outside the ship.” 

“Wait, what,” Yamato says. 

Kakashi blinks. “Ah. We better run. Now.”  
  
That springs them all into action. Obito pulls Yamato to stand, as Kakashi tosses Yamato his flight suit. Yamato falls over as he shucks his pants back on. He rights himself and hustles into the pilot seat, turning the ignition. Power thrums through the ship as it begins to roll forward. Yamato glances at his new companions in the passenger seats, and up into the wild ocean of space. 

“Ready for take off,” Yamato calls, and they fly. 

—-

“Where exactly did you learn about, uh, birthdays, again?” Yamato asks, switching on the autopilot. They’ve got a few more hours until they hit the planet Ame (for someone named Nagato), and Yamato’s more than a little curious where _ those _ ideas came from. 

Obito groans. “Why would you ask that—“

Kakashi beams. “Why, I’m glad you asked that, Tenzō!” He shuffles through his pockets. “Ah, let’s see—from this!” he states proudly, holding up a bright orange book with a red no-symbol on the cover. 

He hands Yamato the book, and Yamato flips to a random page, scanning the typed words, surrounded by notes and question marks that must be from Kakashi. But Yamato nearly drops the book in horror when the context of the print registers. 

It’s—it’s all porn. 

“See?” Kakashi says. “I told Obito it would be useful. And I bet there’s even more human culture to try out on you.” 

“Sounds good,” Yamato replies, a bit faint. 


End file.
